We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize