We're facebook friends in real life
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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