i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
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was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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