She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
