I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
