dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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