i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
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