I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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