saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
