Define "chronic" masturbator.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
