You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Randomize
