Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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