so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
