I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
