apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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