she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
