Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
