I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
