I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
