I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
