you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
