shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
