I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
