nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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