ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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