we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
