Your mouth is God's brothel.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
4 words: hood of his car
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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