i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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