I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
