its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
