i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize