On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
