I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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