Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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