That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
