when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
