if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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