This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
