I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
