can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
