Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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