Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
if only i could text you this smell
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
