so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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