the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize