Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he thought i was a dude.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
