yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
