Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
