i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
