FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
