Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize