What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
