So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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