The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
