When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
