Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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