My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
