my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
