sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize