we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize