I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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