We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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