Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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