I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
