onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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