to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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