woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
