i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
That accounts for only three of the penises
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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