Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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