so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
