uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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