Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
