It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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