Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
