***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
