i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
