just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
