so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
