I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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