He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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