Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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