you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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