Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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