Me too!
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
