You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
