So drunk its hurt
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
